For some reason, November always seems to be a tough time of
year at our house. Both of our cars have to be registered in November, all of
the upcoming holidays and family birthdays leave us a little bit financially
stressed, and the days just get a little darker, gloomier, and colder. It’s
just one of those times where everything seems to pile up all at once.
Now, don’t get me wrong! I LOVE this time of year. The
holidays, the snow, the food, time with family, the clothes! There is so much
to love about November but, it just seems that every year there is a week or
two that I end up feeling overwhelmed and stressed out.
This year has been no different. Like clockwork, the past
couple of weeks have really had me dragging my feet. Finances have been tight, we’re
all just getting over a miserable cold (Emma’s first), Emma has been teething
and as grumpy as can be, the cars both
need to be registered and we’re crossing our fingers that they will both pass
inspection. Once again, the stresses have piled up.
Now, maybe it’s just me, but when I feel like I’m carrying a
big load, it’s easy for me to dwell on all of the things that are difficult
about my life. It starts out with a few extra trials and soon enough I am upset
about all of the regular, day to day challenges that I have to face. I stress
about finances, work, my looks, the constant housework, family drama, and even
find plenty of time to worry about all of the troublesome things going on in
the world today. I can really make myself feel miserable.
**As a side note, with all of the blessings I have had this
year, I feel ungrateful just typing this but, it’s true.
Just as I start feeling extra down and sorry for myself,
Thanksgiving pops up on the calendar. I know that people always say “You should
be thankful year round! Not just on Thanksgiving” and you should! I am a big
believer in focusing on our blessings and not just at Thanksgiving time. But,
one thing that’s great about Thanksgiving is that it really forces me to focus
on what I have to be grateful for at a time that tends to be particularly
stressful for me. Now, I am naturally an optimist and it comes pretty easily to
me most of the time. I am one of those people that can get hit by something
challenging, roll up my sleeves, and think “Okay, this isn’t fun but, I’m sure
it’ll work out! I can handle this.” However, when I find myself in “the depths
of despair” as Anne of Green Gables would describe it, it’s nice to have Thanksgiving
as a reminder that I have so much to be grateful for.
Last week, I was feeling sorry for myself and getting
stressed out and worried when I realized that Thanksgiving was literally right
around the corner-time to take a deep breath and shift my focus and concentrate
on my millions of blessings instead of feeling sorry for myself for every
little challenge I have to face
…..
On Saturday morning, I laced up my fishing boots (maybe for
the last time in 2015). I was making sure I had everything in the pack for Emma
and grabbing a quick drink before heading into the river. Meanwhile, Sam had
already made his way down the steep hill to the river and started fishing with
Emma strapped to his chest. Not a minute later, I heard him call for me so I
walked over to the edge. He shouted “Hurry, come down! I got one.” I rushed
down to admire his catch and found him holding the colorful rainbow up for Emma
to see. She was wide eyed and fascinated.
I am so lucky to have a husband who loves to spend time with
me and Emma like Sam does. I mean, we’re talking about a serious, die hard fly
fisherman who could literally spend days doing nothing but fly fishing if he
was given the opportunity. He takes the sport very seriously. The guy even ties his own flies. He will
often ask me if I want to come along on a fishing trip and I almost always
question, “Don’t you want to go by yourself this time? Or with someone else??”
After all, bringing Emma and I along isn’t exactly easy. Emma requires stops
for feeding, changing, even napping sometimes. She is difficult to carry and
definitely slows us down and yet, he always wants us to come. This time, we
entered a shaded stretch of the river and it was so cold that I was worried
about Emma being uncomfortable. We walked quickly through several prime fishing
holes to get to the sunlight again so that she could be warm. That may not seem
like much of a sacrifice to some but to those of you who have the fly fishing
“bug” the way that Sam does, it’s a big deal.
We fished the day away together. Who cared that it was so cold that our line stuck in the guides because the water had frozen in them, who cared that there were chunks of ice floating in the river and lining the banks, who cared that the air was icy cold? We were all together doing what we love to do in one of the beautiful places we are blessed to live near.
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| Poor Emma was asleep for this picture...too funny to exclude |
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| Sleepy baby |
On top of that, Sam always wants me to have the best
experience possible which means that he always gives me the best spots to fish.
He is consistently patient with me when I lose his hand tied flies or when I
get stuck in a bush. And a tree. And on a rock. And on a log. And on basically
anything around. He kindly offers tips and words of encouragement as I cast
into a new hole and is more excited when I catch a fish than when he does.
Fishing would be easier and probably more enjoyable with a
friend or even by himself but, Sam invites me to come again and again because
he loves to spend time with us and share one of his greatest loves with his
family. Because of that, fishing has become one of my favorite things to do. I
am so lucky.
…..
At one point during the trip, Sam was throwing his streamer
into a more difficult spot on the river with Emma still strapped to him so I
took advantage of a quiet, hands free moment to take in my beautiful
surroundings. I took some photos of frost covered berries and fallen leaves,
frozen in the ice. I munched on a peppermint brownie that Sam and I had made
the night before and sat on the shore, dangling my boots into the slushy water
and watching chunks of ice float past. I thought about the lyrics in the song
that had come on in the car on the drive up:
“When this road gets
crazy
And tries to break me
And I’ve had all I
can stand
I can close my eyes
no matter where I am
And just be still.”
Be still. I love that. Life is just nonstop all of the time.
It’s a rollercoaster of work, play, good times, hard times, ups, and downs.
Sometimes it’s exciting and fun, other times it’s hard to stomach and there are
always unexpected twists and turns. Every once in a while, for my sanity, I
have to close my eyes for a minute and just be still.
On the Fetzer side of the family, they have a saying: “The Mountains
are calling and I must go”. The mountains are a place for them to find clarity,
peace, and to just be still. This is something that I have adapted in my own
life. Every once in a while I need to escape all of the busyness and chaos and
to the mountains I go. To the mountains with my sweet little family in search
of a quiet place with a stream where I can be still and refocus. I have found a
trip to the mountains to be the best medicine for my soul and it was definitely
what I needed last week.
…..
This Thanksgiving season, I am incredibly grateful for this
beautiful, imperfect, insane, wonderful life that I lead. I’m thankful for a
tiny little house with a big back yard full of weeds, one drawer in the
miniature kitchen, and just enough room for my little family. I’m grateful for
a promotion at work that allows me to work from home and still make a
difference in the lives of struggling teenage girls. I’m grateful for Sam’s new
job that has made it possible for me to be home more often with Emma and has given
him valuable experience. I am grateful to be so near family; parents, brothers,
sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents both biological and in law.
I’m grateful for a husband who doubles as a best friend that I can talk to,
complain to, laugh with, and play with. I’m grateful for my new role as “mom”
to my sweet little Emma who has brought more joy to my life than I can possibly
express. I’m grateful for the gospel, for prayer, and for Christ’s atonement
and the way that it works in my life daily.
This year, I am especially grateful that things didn’t turn
out exactly the way that I thought they would. I am grateful that God is
mindful of me and that He gives me what I need and blesses me with so much
more. I am grateful that He gives me challenges that I can handle and that make
me stronger and wiser each day.
And so, instead of thinking about the new tires we’ll have
to buy or the medical bills we have to pay, I will think about how lucky we are
to have two working vehicles that take us safely to and from our many travels.
I’ll be thankful that we are all healthy and together and that we have jobs
that help us to pay for the bills that come our way. Instead of dwelling on how
hard it is to take care of a teething baby or how the sink is constantly full
of dishes, I will think about how wonderful it is to see Emma grow and how
grateful I am to have food on our table every night. I will be still and focus
on the wonderful, joyful moments I have to celebrate on this Thanksgiving day.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May you find millions of things
to be thankful for this season.
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