For weeks before conference I was feeling a heaviness about the world. So many awful things going on in the world to feel gloomy about! How can I raise a family in this world surrounded by hatred and sin? Anyone else ever feel like that?
the thoughts were constantly gnawing at the back of my mind. I felt sad and hopeless and was literally plagued with recurring nightmares that shook me from sleep. I was worried about things that might happen to Emma, things that might happen to our family, to this country. I lost sleep at night over struggling members of my own family. The shooting in Oregon felt like the final straw and I felt hopeless.
I remembered general conference was approaching and for the first time in my life, I decided to spend time really preparing for it. I prayed to hear something that would bring me comfort. I spent time thinking about the things that were troubling me and prayed for answers that would help me to feel at peace. I made a commitment to pray before each session and brought a book to write down notes and impressions. I planned to go through my notes after conference and write about things that had really touched my heart. I had also promised Heavenly Father that I would make a list of things to change or work on after hearing the messages.
This preparation made a world of difference and my prayers were answered! I heard uplifting messages about how small changes in my life would make a world of difference in how I feel. I listened to messages about rejoicing in the simplicity of the gospel and finding true joy as I centered my life around Christ. I heard messages about the divine love of a mother and the power of a righteous woman. The power to influence, lead, teach, organize, heal, and love. I heard the counsel over and over again to love one another and to be a light and example to the world around me. To lift, strengthen, and be kind to those who are struggling. I was reminded of the companionship of the spirit and that if I partake of the sacrament worthily, I can have him as a constant companion in my life. I heard several apostles counsel me to "make the Sabbath a delight" and was promised that it would bless me with strength throughout the week. I was challenged to "write scriptures on my mind and on my heart". I was comforted by the reminder of the power of the atonement and grace. I listened again and again as we were asked to take action. Pray and take action.
SO many wonderful, encouraging messages. So many words to give me strength and so many beautifully simple things that I can do to change my life for the better. The prophet said, "It is often difficult to be different and to stand alone in a crowd. It is natural to fear what others might think or say. Comforting are the words of the psalm: "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" As we make Christ the center of our lives, our fears will be replaced by the courage of our convictions." The Lord is on my side! I can do this. I can raise my family in righteousness and be different from the world in my morals and virtues. I can influence others for good. I can lift, lead, organize, teach, heal, and love.
The world is an awfully gloomy place. However, the world is full of wonderful people. The world is full of love and light and kindness. The world is full of beauty and joy and so many things to be thankful for. I can be apart of that. I can find refuge from the world in my home, on the Sabbath day, in the gospel, in the holy temples and I can be a light TO the world through my example and with my love. What a beautiful thing.
I know that the prophet and apostles are called of God. I felt that truth as three new apostles were called to the stand this weekend. I know that God loves all of us with a perfect love. He knows me perfectly. He loves me. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He understands the hardships, temptations, and pains that I feel. He wants me to have happiness. TRUE happiness. He has provided a way!
After this weekend, the world was not SUCH a terrible place. I woke up on Monday morning feeling happy, motivated, and GRATEFUL.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to drive through Cedar Canyon (one of my favorite places) with two of my favorite people-my mom and little miss Emma. We enjoyed a beautiful drive up the windy road surrounded by the beauties of mother nature and got out to walk around and see the leaves. It was a beautiful cloudy day and the rain began to sprinkle the ground as we walked back towards the car.
With this new way of looking at things, I can see blessings all around me. The fact that Emma is healthy, that we have enough to meet our needs, that we are able to spend time with family and enjoy things like quaking aspens and autumn leaves, that we have the gospel, that we are God's children and that He loves us. My heart is full of hope and happiness.
What a wonderful world.
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