The Things I Didn't Know About Being a Mom

From a very early age, I can remember hearing adults talk about what it’s like to have kids. I remember hearing them complain about not having time for themselves, how messy kids can be, and never having enough sleep.

Me as a little sprout  

 As I grew older, I heard more and more about it. In my teen years and throughout my dating experience, people would warn “Take your time having kids! Your life will never be the same”. Or they would say things like “Just wait till you have kids! You’ll never be able to go out again.”

Hike in Zion during our dating years

Sand Hollow Reservoir 

 When Sam and I got married, family members and friends with children would tease “You think life is expensive now?! Wait till you have kids!” Or “You think you have a lot of housework now?! Wait till you have kid’s to clean up after!” and they’d give each other knowing looks as if it were some awful thing that they’d all gone through that we wouldn’t understand until we’d experienced it.

Wedding day, June 11, 2011

As I prepared to have children of my own, I heard again and again that I should wait as long as possible and enjoy the time I had alone as if it were an impending death sentence. I heard stories about moms not having time to take care of themselves or even shower let alone have a moment’s peace. I read blogs that gave advice on “how to survive the first six weeks of parenting”. I heard young moms talk about crying day and night, constant diaper changing, and mess after mess after mess.

First family photo with puppy Daisy

Some people would say longingly “I remember when I was in your shoes. It was so nice to be able to have time to go out with friends or to be able to read a book or go to the movies.” Of course, I also heard people talk about how much they loved their children so I knew that somehow it must be worth it. But, with 9 months of pregnancy where I would gain weight, feel sick, and “never look the same”, followed by who knows how many hours of painful labor, just to start out on an incredibly difficult, nearly impossible journey of parenting seemed kind of terrifying.

Vacation to Montana as a newlywed couple

I found out I was pregnant last August. I was beyond excited! I could hardly wait. However, in the back of my mind, I was worried-worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Could I be happy after getting no sleep all night and changing diapers all day long? Could I handle the constant crying or being covered in spit up day in and day out? Could I handle the horrors of pregnancy and labor and recovery? Would I know what to do when she cried or was hurt? Could I be happy without ever being able to leave the house or travel? Would I even have time to shower? I worried about being able to lose the weight or how my body would look (many people had promised me that it would never look the same.) I worried that I would no longer be attractive to my husband anymore. I worried that I would lose myself and never have time to do the things that made me who I am.

7 1/2 months pregnant in Arches National Park

I knew that being a parent was something I wanted. After all, the things people said were not ALL bad. I just also knew from what I’d seen and heard that it was going to be impossibly hard.  In fact, many people told me that it was impossible to even prepare for how difficult it is to be a parent.

Well, I now have my sweet girl here with me and I can tell you, many of the things people said were true. That’s right. It really is tough. You really do have to do all of the things I mentioned above and it certainly isn’t a piece of cake every day. BUT with all the warnings, complaints, and stories that people told me, there were so many things that most people didn’t tell me about becoming a parent that I wish they had!

Women said again and again how the months of pregnancy would drag on. They shared “war stories” of their labors and seemed to be competing with each other when they talked about who’s labor was the longest or most terrible. What they didn’t tell me was that I would soon after have the most incredible, memorable moment of my life as I held my baby girl for the first time; an angel straight from God’s presence into my arms. They didn’t tell me that I would immediately have such an intense connection with her that I would fall in love with her in a heartbeat and happily do ANYTHING for her. They didn’t tell me how proud I would be of my accomplishment or how strong I would feel. They didn’t tell me how wonderful it would feel to see my husband hold our sweet babe for the first time or to hear him tell me how amazing I was for bringing her here like I did. They didn’t tell me about the incredible relief I would feel as I held her safe and sound in my arms. They didn’t tell me that in spite of any pain or discomfort I had felt in the past nine and a half months of pregnancy and twenty hours of labor, I would gladly do it all over again for her.

I was told over and over again about how I would never sleep soundly again and how the baby would keep me up all night. What they didn’t tell me was how grateful I would be to be able to hear her cries at night instead of sleeping through them as I was worried I might. They didn’t tell me about how wonderful it is to hold a little angel in the quiet of night and comfort and rock her back to sleep. They didn’t tell me about how sweet it is to watch as her eyes sleepily droop shut and to hear her let out a dreamy little sigh as she drifts into sleep. They didn’t tell me that tired as I might be, I would rather be there holding her than anywhere else in the world.  Everyone told me that I would be so tired that I would have a hard time functioning. No one told me that I would get to have early morning snuggles with the cutest little wide awake munchkin in the world as I tried to prolong my last few precious minutes in bed. They didn’t tell me that I would laugh right through my sleepiness at her goofy sounds or her funny faces. No one told me that I would love hearing her babble on and on in the morning even though I wanted so badly to shut my eyes for just a little while longer.

I heard many times that my whole life would revolve around her feeding schedule, naps, and diaper changes. What I didn’t hear was that I would actually be happy to do those services for my sweet girl again and again because I love her so much. No one told me that being able to calm my baby by nursing her would give me such joy or that introducing new foods to her would be such a fun adventure. No one told me how many times we would laugh at the inconvenient times she decided to have a messy diaper or find humor in the amount of outfits we had to change her into each day in order to keep her presentable. No one told me that I would feel so satisfied over something as small as keeping to her routine just because it helps her stay happy. No one told me that my husband and I would actually bond over trying to learn her schedule and figure out this whole parenting thing together.

Sam teaching Emma how to tie fishing knots

Bath time is our favorite! 

Women told me that my body would never look the same and that I’d feel unattractive. What they didn’t tell me was that after she was born, I would care SO much less about myself and care SO much more for her. They didn’t tell me that even though I might not feel my best physically, I would feel tough as nails after going through what it took to get her here and that I would be grateful for the beautiful, amazing gift that my body is and the abilities that it has. They didn’t tell me how satisfying it would be to start to get back to where I was little by little or about the kind words, support, and reassurance I would receive from my husband, family, and friends. They didn’t tell me about how awesome it would feel to hear someone say “You look great!” even if I didn’t necessarily think so all the time. No one told me about how even on the toughest days where I was sure I was as big as a hippopotamus and just about as attractive, I would have a tiny little person that needs me and loves me; a person that would calm just by my touch or stop crying just from the sight of me. That makes me feel more special and of worth than just about anything ever has in my life.

Everyone said that I’d never have time to do the things I loved and that I’d never have a moment to myself. What they never told me how fun it is to share the things you love with this little part of you that’s seeing the world for the first time. No one told me that despite the challenges and obstacles, I wouldn’t even want to leave her behind most of the time because it’s so exciting to have her with me. People didn’t tell me about how I would learn to organize my time, prioritize, and plan ahead thanks to my baby. They didn’t tell me that I would feel like superwoman when I planned and executed an outing without forgetting her pacifier or brought enough diapers. OR how I’d learn to be flexible and improvise when I DIDN’T remember her pacifier or enough diapers. They didn’t talk to me enough about the memories I would make and cherish, the excitement I would feel in watching her grow, and the longing I would feel to keep her little and innocent forever. I can’t even say how much.

Fishing in Idaho

Cedar Canyon

Family vacation to Yellowstone

So here’s the thing about becoming a mom. Everyone tells you how hard it is. And, it is! It’s really hard. There are days that Emma won’t let me put her down and she’s ornery and tired, and the house is a mess. Sam is gone all day at work, I’m not feeling awesome about the way I look, and I smell like spit up. But, in the middle of those days, Emma will flash me that ear to ear smile and look at me like she thinks I’m the greatest thing on the planet and I remember how awesome it is to have her here.

I didn’t hear enough about those moments. So, to all you future moms: It’s a tough, dirty job! A lot of what people say is true.  You WILL change diapers A LOT. You WILL have a tougher time getting out of the house or finding time for yourself. You WILL clean a lot of messes. You WILL worry; the worrying is endless. You WILL have hard days. BUT, I also want to tell you that you WILL LOVE IT! It’s amazing. And you CAN do it! You can be the greatest mom for your little one. Being a mom is THE BEST gig. The hardest, but the best.

Isn't she perfect?

People say you can’t know what it’s like to be a mom until you are one. That’s true too. But, I expected it to be hard. I expected it to be messy and scary and filled with worry and trials and mistakes. What I really didn’t understand was that it would seriously be the greatest thing I have ever done or will ever do. It’s my most incredible accomplishment, my biggest adventure, and the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s filled with more joys than you can possibly understand until you experience it yourself.

And that’s what I really didn’t know about being mom.