2016: A Year With The Fetzer's

2016 is coming to a close. This time of the year always brings a lot of things for me; the excitement of new adventures and plans coming, nervousness for what challenges lie ahead, hope for an even better and brighter new year, and motivation to work towards and reach new goals. Today, it's brought, to me, a lot of reflection on the past 12 months.

2016 has been a challenging year for many. There is a lot of wickedness and unkindness in our world today and many are suffering. I am saddened by all of the hate and anger. I found myself with a heavy heart on many days this year just because of the chaos of the world around me. It is hard to avoid-it's on the news, it's in the paper, it's in an angry Facebook post, it's in the unkind sharing of gossip about a neighbor or ward member. It's on the streets, on our tv, on our computers, in our schools, and at work. It can be found everywhere you go. I am so grateful that my home is a haven away from the storm that is the world we live in. As I think month to month about the different blessings, trials, memories, and tender mercies our family received, I can see that God has been present in our lives all year long, as He always is. We have been so blessed and felt so much love this year. The world can be a dark place but, our homes are sacred places of refuge, protection, and love. I am so grateful for that. I'm also eternally grateful for the lights that are in our world despite the, sometimes overwhelming, dark. The light can be found as easily as the darkness can, if we choose to see it. It's in the kind smile of a stranger, it's in neighbors who are there for you when you need it, it's in friendship and family, it's in charity and service given by strangers to strangers. Light can be found in nearly every corner of the world. The best part is that we can be the ones to bring it. We can be that light in the world.

I hope that each of you have found light in your 2016 as we did and that that light will continue and grow in the next 12 months. I hope we can be that light for each other and can give it to others all year long.

As always, our family had opportunities to create many happy memories this year. These were some of the highlights for me:

A few things I want to remember:

• Emma learned to walk at 11 months old. It was so fun to see her enjoying her newfound independence. 
• Sam and I were called to be scout leaders and have absolutely loved it! Our boys are so funny and sweet and we enjoy hanging out with them. Emma has really enjoyed it too. 
• The three of us had a blast at IF4 (International Fly Fishing Film Festival) in March. Emma and I watched most of the films from the back since she was a little too squirmy to sit through the entire evening but, she did so good. It was a fun trip and we look forward to going again this year. 
• Sam's brother Jake got married to our beautiful, new sister in law, Skylie. They had a lovely wedding at the St. George LDS temple. 
• My cousin, Zack was also married to his sweet wife in the same month and I was blessed to get to make their wedding cupcakes. 
• We had a super fun "birthday month" this year. Sam turned 27, I turned 25, and little miss Emma turned 1. We had a big "tea party" celebration and so many of our friends and family came to show her love. 
• My sister, Olivia moved to Portland. This was a pretty sad day and we miss her all the time but we've had a few visits that have been fun. 
• Sam and I celebrated 5 years of marriage! We had an eventful trip to Zion National Park. There were a few obstacles but it was fun anyway. It was our first night away from Emma and we missed her! 
• We went on our annual cabin trip in July with Sam's family. It was especially wonderful to watch Emma play and enjoy herself there. There will be many more memories made at the family cabin. What a special place. 
• Emma went on her first plane ride and the two of us, along with my mom and aunt Brenda visited my sister in Portland. We saw all of the sights and more importantly, got to spend some time with Olivia. 
• Sam's grandmother passed away in December and we miss her. Because of her passing, we were all able to get together as a family right before Christmas and spend time together in Salt Lake. We visited Temple Square to see the lights and did some pre-Christmas shopping. 
• Christmas was so fun with Emma this year! Santa brought her a kitchen of her very own and she loves it! She is always cooking yummy food for mom, dad, and her baby dolls. 

I am looking forward to another great year in 2017. I'm grateful for the people that love and care about me and my little family and lift us up during the tough times. I'm grateful that I have the ability to do the same for others. It's a wonderful thing to think that we are all brothers and sisters and children of God. I plan to work on having a more Christlike love and spirit of giving for others this year. I was grateful for a sweet sister missionary who spoke in a ward Sam and I visited a few weeks ago. She talked about serving others and said that the best thing to do was simply "find a need and fill it". That has helped me find so many opportunities to help others. I see needs every day, right in front of me, that I can help with. It can be something as small as helping a neighbor move out a piece of furniture or holding a baby for a mother with her hands full. As the, always wise, Winnie the Pooh said, "A little consideration, a little thought for others makes all the difference."

I pray that each of you have wonderful, warm memories of 2016 to reflect on and that you find strength, happiness, peace, and love in the new year. Happy New Year everyone!

Feeling that Christmas Spirit

The past few weeks have been ridiculously busy. Not just the regular holiday season hustle and bustle, the kind of busy where you don't have time to sit or think or breathe. Probably one of the busiest times in my life. Being a mom to an active toddler is already busy enough. I also work from home and it's been a particularly hectic month at work. On top of that, I took on the job of coordinating a major charity event which is scheduled to take place at the end of December. Add the regular busyness of the holiday season plus the cake orders that I chose to take PLUS a nasty case of hand foot and mouth disease for my poor little Emma on to all of that and you have me, constantly on the verge of a panic attack, running around like a headless chicken. Needless to say, I found myself feeling extremely overwhelmed. 

The other day I looked at my calendar (which was still set to October) and was shocked when I realized that the first week in December had already passed by! I didn't have all of those wonderful, magical, spiritual, warm feelings of Christmas that I usually have this time of year. Although I'd been giving my time to others, I didn't feel good. I hadn't been taking care of myself, I hadn't been taking care of my family, and my spiritual, physical, and emotional health were all suffering. I needed to shift my focus. 

I resolved to spend the rest of the week enjoying the simple joys of the season and soaking in the moments with my family. All of the responsibilities were still there but, I wanted to find a better balance and focus more on those things that matter most to me. 

I was feeling a little discouraged by all of the pictures on social media of everyone's beautifully decorated trees and homes. The second week of December had already begun and my Christmas decor was still buried somewhere deep in a storage unit, gathering dust. I hadn't even had a moment to think about it. I decided that the next day would be the day to go on our annual family Christmas tree hunt. 

Emma just wanted to sit and eat snow in her giant marshmallow suit.

Note the golf ball-sized snowballs hanging from Daisy's fur.
She loves to frolic in the snow.

Poor Emma started to feel sick as we hunted for the tree so we didn't take our time but, we got our tree. It was imperfect, as real trees are, but beautiful and it smelled so lovely. I was excited to have a cozy evening at home decorating. It's one of my favorite nights of the year. It was somewhere between sips of hot cocoa, setting out the nativity, Bing Crosby's "Marshmallow World", and trimming the tree that I started to feel it-the Christmas spirit. I started to feel the excitement of experiencing all of these traditions with Emma this year. I felt warm as I held Emma up to get a better look at baby Jesus in his manger and then snuggled up on the couch to read her the first Christmas story of the year. I felt better than I had in a while. Thank heaven for Christmas. 

The rest of the weekend was spent at home, together with the four of us, listening to Christmas music, wrapping gifts, guzzling hot cocoa and cider, sitting by the tree, and watching Charlie Brown's Christmas and Frosty the Snowman. A wonderful weekend and a much needed break from the crazy whirlwind that has been my life. Emma didn't feel well which wasn't fun but, it also meant that I got double the amount of snuggles and I soaked it up. 

Emma started to feel much better today so this evening we decided to venture out on a drive to see the lights. We had heard about a neighborhood called "Christmas Lane" that was supposed to be a really great place to see Christmas lights in Cedar City. We've lived here for 5 years now and I couldn't believe we'd never heard of it! It was so neat! There were large signs in every yard with ordered sections of the poem, "'Twas The Night Before Christmas" and the whole neighborhood was decked with lights and creative Christmas displays! A gingerbread house in one yard, a huge blow up Santa in another. One home had Santa waving from the window, another had a life sized nativity in the yard. It was beautiful-so beautiful that we did the loop twice. I wish I had more pictures to share but I was caught up in the moment. 

I've been so grateful for the time with my family. I'm (obviously) not perfect at it but, I'm working on shifting my focus to the reason for the season and taking time to experience all of the simple things that I so love about this time of year. I may have gotten a late start but, the important thing is that I'm doing it. I had been so excited when I saw the church's Christmas message encouraging everyone to "light the world" this Christmas. The other day, I felt the guilt as I realized that I had not done one of the things on the list. It was late in the evening and I was sure that I wouldn't be able to do whatever was assigned for that day. I started to beat myself up as I pulled up the calendar on my phone so that I could continue to make myself miserable over what I hadn't made the time to do. I suddenly felt light as I looked at the assignment for the day, "Jesus prayed for others, and so can you." I could do that one! I could do it right then. It was simple, but prayer is powerful. I felt a taste of that wonderful, warm spirit of Christmas, the spirit of giving, as I fervently prayed for those I loved and those I knew were in need. 

I'm looking forward to experiencing a few more of my favorite wonderful holiday traditions this year. I'm looking forward to time spent with family, time spent in reflection, and time spent in service. I also have already begun working on my New Years Resolution: SIMPLIFY. Merry Christmas everybody! May you feel the saviors love and light this season. 

Thought? Wish? Hope For the Day.

Today Emma and I went shopping with my mom. It's always an adventure to take Emma shopping-you just never know what you're going to get. Will she be the cranky toddler that screams "candy mama!" over and over again between sobs? will she be the quiet, sweet little girl that is content to suck her thumb and snuggle with a stuffed animal while I peruse? Today she was the happy, super active toddler that giggles uncontrollably as she runs as quick as she can away from mom. The whole shopping part becomes a bit of a challenge but it makes for a great game of hide and go seek. She discovered how fun it is to crawl underneath hanging clothes to hide and scream with delight every time I found her and shouted "BOO!".

While my mom was checking out at one store, Emma and I were playing "tag" (She was running away from me at full speed and ignoring my calls to come back, laughing hysterically all the while.) I turned a corner she had just run around to find her standing completely still in front of a long mirror. I started to walk towards her and noticed that she was beaming from ear to ear at herself. I smiled and continued to watched her. She reached her hand up to touch her reflection on the cheek and patted her reflection's head a few times and giggled. I was highly amused by the whole thing until she, looking deeply at her reflection, quietly said, "pretty." My heart almost burst-she looked at herself and saw how beautiful she was! Oh, how I want her to see that forever. I interrupted-"Yes! Emma is so pretty. See? Emma is so happy and silly and pretty!" She laughed and shouted "Silly!" She went back to looking at herself and then leaned in to the mirror and gave it a kiss, right on her lips before losing interest and running off. (She found herself in a very loving mood after kissing the mirror and decided to kiss all of the clothes and jewelry she came across during her last loop around the store.)

It was such a sweet little moment and it got me thinking and feeling all kinds of things. First, I was so pleased that she looked at herself and loved herself. She saw herself with so much joy and recognized that she was pretty. That's a new word for Emma and she's made a point of showing me everything she thinks should be called pretty in the last few days-dolls, pictures, flowers, hair clips, etc. I was overjoyed that she looked at herself and felt that the word fit her reflection as well as it fit all of those other things she had labeled "pretty." Second, I was a little sad and worried. I wondered, how long will she feel like that? When will she decide that she isn't pretty because of something someone else tells her or something she sees in a magazine? My wish is that it will never happen. I wish that she'd always have that confidence and that she'd see her worth every time she looks at herself in the mirror. Unfortunately, I know that a day will probably come when that smile won't come quite as readily and she won't feel like kissing herself. She'll see herself and the words that come to her mind won't be "beautiful" or "worthy" or "pretty". I know because I have days like that myself-I used to have days like that much more often than I do now. It's heartbreaking to think that Emma might ever experience that self doubt or even self loathing.

I was thinking more on that experience this evening when a thought popped into my head; I need to be more like Emma. If I can be more like Emma and treat myself with kindness the way that she did today, then someday, she will learn from me about how she should treat herself. If I can push through days where I don't feel beautiful or worthy and appreciate myself for who I am, (a daughter of God with immense worth and potential) then someday, Emma will learn to push through them too. She will learn to see her potential and worth as a daughter of God. Emma will see that I value my gifts and unique qualities and so someday she will discover and value her own. If I can be more like Emma now, then I will be an example to Emma later in life when those smiles and thoughts and feelings for herself don't come quite so easily.

So tonight, after I brush my teeth, I will look passed my blotchy, tired face so I can  really see myself. I will appreciate my long, dark hair and my hazel eyes and my smile. Then, I will quietly say "pretty" because I want to be just like Emma.

Emma goes to Portland

The only (and I really mean THE ONLY) great thing about my sister moving to Portland a few months ago is that we get to visit her there! In this family, we love to travel and see new places so after Olivia moved, we started planning our first trip. This time it would be an all girls trip; Me, Emma, my mom, and my aunt Brenda. It would be Emma's very first plane ride and the 8th state that she'd visited. I was so excited to see Olivia and spend some time with my family and also a little nervous to ride on a plane with a busy toddler for the first time. Early on a Wednesday morning, we headed for the Las Vegas airport. 

Emma liked the bustle of the airport. She said hi
to the other waiting passengers and happily pushed
her stroller around.

Watching the airplanes come in. 

 I had been nervous about entertaining Emma during the flight (especially because I had only registered her for a "lap seat") so I had prepared every form of entertainment I could possibly think of. All the preparation was worth it because Emma did great on flight #1. We were also lucky that our flight happened to be only half full-it allowed us to have an extra seat for Emma to sit in. Her wiggly body alternated from my lap to her own seat throughout the flight.

She loved pulling the table down and then slamming it back up
which I'm sure drove the person in front of me insane. I did my
best to stop her but the girl does what she wants.

Grandma brought a new book to read. The
sucker helped too. 

After a bottle-Emma took a nap that lasted at least
half of the flight-I couldn't have asked for better! 

She had lots of fun with these squishy
window decorations

Snuggles with grandma

After a 2 hour drive to Vegas, a couple of hours of entertaining in the airport, a 2 hour flight, a train ride, a bus ride, and what felt like a million miles of walking while carrying 500 pounds of luggage all while trying to keep track of an adventurous toddler, we had never been happier to see a Jimmy Johns in our lives. Olivia works at a Jimmy Johns in Portland and we arrived just in time for the end of her shift. She ran out from behind the counter when she saw us and there were hugs all around. 

Emma was super snuggly with Olivia on the first day. She just
sucked her thumb and cuddled right into her like she never wanted
to let go.

Olivia took us to her apartment building first where we gladly ditched the bags before venturing out again. It was nice to physically see the place my baby sister has been living so that I could visualize it a little better when we talk. It's a small place but nice and cozy. They've been slowly adding furniture and other personal touches as they go. I liked the wood floors but, unfortunately they didn't agree with Emma; she face planted after a few minutes of being there and earned her first bloody nose-poor thing! 

After a tour of the apartment and nursing Emma's nose, we were ready to go for a walk on Olivia's side of the city and see a bit of Portland.

Bikes for rent, we saw these all over the place.

Mexican Hot Chocolate doughnut at Blue Star Doughnuts. (YUM!)

One of my favorite parts of the evening was the rose garden that's just a walk away from Olivia's apartment. The roses were nearing the end of their season but, there were still plenty of them out and the park was beautiful.

After a long-but successful-day of traveling and sightseeing, we started on the 4 mile public transportation journey from Olivia's apartment to our airbnb. We used the bus and train system pretty much everywhere we went. It was a bit difficult to figure out how to navigate it and even 4 miles would take us about 45 minutes to travel. Lucky for all of us, aunt Brenda assumed the role of navigator and got pretty good at getting us where we needed to go with the help of Google maps and the (mostly) helpful, friendly bus drivers and locals. It was my first time staying in an airbnb and I would definitely recommend it. The amount of space and the incredible prices are enough to make it worth looking into on your next adventure. If your planning a trip and trying to save, airbnb is definitely the way to go.  

The next morning we were greeted with an authentic, Portland rainy morning. We walked to a nearby diner, umbrella's in hand, for breakfast. 

Walking to the bus stop

Emma loved to splash in the puddles

Waiting for the bus was something we did pretty often-we got good
at entertaining ourselves. Emma learned how to say "bus" and
would watch for it to come. 

The bright side of the bus ride taking so long every morning to get wherever we were visiting was that Emma always took a morning nap during the ride and an afternoon nap on our ride home. The bus seemed to lull her to sleep. On that first morning, we headed to the famous Powell's Book Store. Emma took a long nap on the bus and wasn't quite finished when we arrived so the two of us parked it on a bench and I watched all of the people outside of a rainy window while she slept.

When Emma woke up, we looked around the giant bookstore. Most of our time was spent in the children's section where Emma was in heaven looking at stuffed animals and books and sitting at tiny tables with chairs just her size. My mom and Brenda probably could have stayed there for days but, Emma and I had to take a little walk outside in between, as much as Emma loves books, you can only keep a toddler entertained in a book store for so long.

Olivia joined us after work and we headed across the street to local hot spot, Sizzle Pie Pizza where the pizza is sold by the slice and the slices are literally bigger than your face. It was delicious and after fueling up, we were ready to explore the Lan Su Chinese Garden. The foliage was beautiful in the sprinkling rain. I loved all of the different Chinese inspired structures and inlets filled with art and activities. 

Mom trying out some Chinese calligraphy 

Another fun day in Portland ended with a hot shower, some warm pajamas and reading our new book from Powell's book store before bed. 

Day 3 was Washington Square Park. A huge, romantic park filled with lush greenery and flowers at every turn.

Ready to roll

There is a section of the park called the International Rose Test Garden filled with every type of rose you never knew existed. It was colorful and frangrant and so dreamy.

Emma loved to smell them

As you can see, she got really in to it :)

One of the beautiful things about Portland was how the moss and
greenery grew on EVERYTHING (sidewalks, walls, and rooftops.

The next section of the park we visited was the Japanese Garden. Another breathtaking walk through a colorful garden this time with lovely, Japanese elements throughout.

Emma's favorite part was watching the giant Koi fish swim
around from the bridge.

On our walk back to the bus, we stumbled upon the Oregon Holocaust Memorial. I was so glad we did as it was such a sacred space. There was a very quiet, reverent feeling as we walked through. The first thing we noticed was a statue of a forgotten looking doll lying on a bench. We looked past the bench and noticed statues of several items that looked as if they'd just been discarded along the path among the fallen leaves.

At the end of the path was a polished, black wall with quotes from victims and a story. Also, on the side of the wall was engraved the words

"Beneath this rock are interred soil and ash from the six

killing-center camps of the Holocaust:

Chelmno

Treblinka

Sobibor 

Belzec

Majdanek

Auschwitz-Birkenau"

It was enough to bring tears to my eyes. 

The rest of our walk to the bus was through a beautiful, Oregon forest.

The next morning we headed to the Portland Saturday Market which turned out to be a little less impressive than we'd anticipated. This was mostly due to the fact that there had been a major storm warning put out. In fact, it was being nicknamed "the storm of the century"! It was supposed to be something like a hurricane and we were actually a bit nervous about it. Most weather stations reported that it would begin in the afternoon so, we decided we'd spend our morning out and head back home in plenty of time to avoid any crazy weather. We shopped around the Saturday Market for a while and then noticed the famous, Voodoo Doughnuts just down the street. We jumped in line excited to try them.

The doughnuts were good (I still preferred Blue Star doughnuts) but, the cool part was really the eclectic decor and crazy flavors. The doughnuts were topped with just about anything you could think of from tang to breakfast cereals and there were all kinds of wild combos with funky names (including some that would be inappropriate to mention.) After Voodoo, we headed to Mcmenimums for some grub. (I know, dessert before lunch-that's how we roll!) Mcmenimums is a restaurant/brewery. There are several of them in the area and all are in some sort of old building that has been remade into a restaurant. The one we ate at had been a boarding school in the early 1900s.

The next day's highlights were walking through shops in The Pearl District and a delicious visit to Salt and Straw ice cream. I had the most delicious salted caramel and freckled woodblock chocolate. (Heavenly!) Of course, Emma needed her own scoop (so that I could sample it.) She got Snickerdoodle. We were joined by both Olivia and her boyfriend, Nick on this day which was fun. Lucky for us, the storm that was promised never actually showed up. We were able to enjoy the day with very little rain at all. 

Interesting bush that we saw everyday on our walk to the bus.

Emma thoroughly enjoyed every bite that I didn't steal

Beautiful fall leaves down this street made us decide
it was time for a couple of group pictures.

Watching for the bus...again

The next day was Washington Square mall. A nice, large mall with all kinds of fun stores. We started our shopping trip off with a visit to the Cheesecake Factory. When at the Cheesecake Factory, it is a crime to not order a slice of cheesecake. I got the hazelnut.

Apparently we hadn't done enough shopping because the next day was spent in another area of town with cute shops we'd discovered on our bus ride home the previous night. We found all kinds of fun souvineers and ended the day at a delicious pizza place near our airbnb. 

Our final day brought one of my favorite activities of the trip-The Oregon Zoo. Because of how green and forested Oregon is, it felt like we were walking through a jungle and every once in a while you'd look to your left and see an eagle or a bear. Emma had a blast finding all of the animals and making their noises or saying their names and I loved watching her experience it. 

By the time we got to the elephants (which Emma was fascinated with)
She was very sick of all the pictures as you can tell by the over-dramatic
scream face she is making in the above picture. 

Emma loved these Lion figures. She kept petting them
and saying "Nice lion!"

Our last meal was at this neat Grilled cheese food truck. Not being a grilled cheese fan myself, I had low expectations. It turned out to be the best grilled cheese I've ever had by far. Emma and I split a brie and pepperjack grilled cheese with roasted red peppers and a brie and nutella grilled cheese on cinnamon bread with banana slices! So delicious and a perfect way to say goodbye to Portland.

Portland is an interesting place filled with all kinds of interesting characters and delicious food and treats. There is so much green that sometimes it almost feels like a city popped up out of nowhere in the middle of a rain forest. The sky is grey and cloudy and the streets are wet and lined with trees. The best thing about Portland though is that my sister is there. It was hard to say goodbye for several more months as we stepped on the bus,airport-bound. Emma and I miss her so much but, we will be back to visit again. (Next time we're bringing daddy along with us.)

Emma did great on the flight home (though she was a bit more active than she'd been on the flight to Portland). In fact, Emma was a champ the whole time. She had fun and learned and changed so much just in the week that we were there. I would say that our trip to Emma's 8th state was a huge success and I'm so glad I was able to make those memories with her and spend time with my aunt, mom, and sister.